So she said yes! And then my legs turned to jelly.

I’d been so nervous in the lead up to the proposal that the feeling of relief that came when she did say yes was nothing like anything I had ever experienced before. So after a lot of hugging and kissing, and probably making all the other tourists sick in the process, we decided to dander back to our hotel to get ready for an evening out with some friends.

Now lads, take my advice. Announce your engagement during an evening out with as many friends as possible and lots of free drinks will result! Hey, we may as well take advantage of the situation.

After a good evening of drinking and a morning spent dealing with the painful aftermath in my head, it was time to start planning.

What we discovered straight away was that wedding planning is mind bogglingly difficult. We thought that there were only a few big decisions to make (date, location etc) and the other stuff would be easy. Oh no! Everything has been difficult. The first issue was deciding where the wedding will take place, that was easy. I only wanted to invite 10 people, Jen is inviting 140. So it will be held in Jen’s home town of Syracuse.

Next up was to decide upon the date. This turned out to be quite tricky. Now, you would think that the bride and groom could set any date they wanted just so long as it was far enough away to allow people to make plans. Again that would be a no. What we found is that we would choose a date, mention it to some potential guests and then be told that that data was bad because XYZ was happening or that someone couldn’t make it. I suppose that is normal, but from my perspective it all seemed a little fussy. Why couldn’t we just set a day and be done with it? If people couldn’t make it, then tough!

So anyways, the location and date were set. And then it went quiet….

The thing is, very few people know how to plan a wedding. Setting the date and location is only tiny fraction of what needs to be done. Once you actually sit down and start planning you realise that one thing leads to another. You may think there are only 20 or so key things to plan, but in fact there are hundreds. And they all jump up on your unexpectedly. It’s a learning experience for everyone involved. When you don’t know what exactly to do, things go slowly and quietly. Only building up steam a few months later once you realise in horror that time is flying by and there is so much to be done.

In the next part of this series I’ll talk a bit more about the specifics of wedding planning.

There is a lot written about getting motivated in order to achieve long term goals such as losing weight or getting rich and that’s all well and good, but what about short term motivation? Specifically those situation when you’re struggling to get the will to complete a boring or otherwise disagreeable task. Things like dealing with a mound of boring paperwork or getting the gardening done. It’s not procrastination since you’ve actually started the task. It’s just that your will to continue is being zapped by the banality of the task in hand.

The first way to get yourself going again is to take a break. Take a few minutes out, go for a little walk and get some air or maybe just have a nice cup of tea. Refresh the thoughts in your brain and say positive thing to yourself such as “Right Ho, Let’s Go!” Just remember to strictly limit the time of the break, otherwise you’ll never get back to work. I know this method may sound a little cheesy, but trust me it does work.

Secondly, look to the prize. In this case the prize might be home time, break time or some other daily event that you look forward to. In the case of house work, it could be the six pack of beer waiting for you when you finish the chores. The sooner you finish the sooner you can be doing something more to your taste.

Lastly, see if it is possible to split up your boring task in to more manageable segments. This way you can mix the tasks you like with the ones you don’t so that you aren’t stuck doing the same boring thing all day long. Bleh!

A lot of people see clubs as something associated with the teenage or university years, or maybe with rich businessmen and big fancy dinners. It’s fair to say that most people drift away from clubs as they mature. That’s not surprising when you take in to account the time needed to settle down and start a family.

But there are benefits to joining a club, and I’m not talking about clubs for rich businessmen!

Clubs can give you a chance to indulge a hobby or a passion and to learn new things. There are clubs devoted to all sorts of interests and pastimes, covering everything from amateur radio, through to woodwork and cooking. If you’ve always been meaning to learn a new skill and don’t fancy going to a formal class, then a club is the perfect alternative.

Another benefit of joining a club is the social aspect. All clubs have a social element, so you will get to make new friends and maybe even have a chance to network (if that’s your thing).

Joining a club also adds a bit of extra ’scenery’ to your life. If you’ve settled in the same old weekly routine and aren’t being productive in the evenings when you get home from work, then being in a club is just the thing to help you enact a change.

Clubs are a great way to do something enjoyable and productive. If you want to break a boring weekly routine or just try something new, then I’d definiely reccomend joining one.

Procrastination is the bane of many a persons life. It is so easy to not do that which must be done now.

Let’s face we are all guilty of it at some point or another. The question is how can we avoid falling prey to its deliciously lazy charms and keep productive?

The first thing is to determine if your current bout of procrastination is specific to your current task or job, or if it is more of a long term habit that plagues all tasks you undertake.

If you find that your procrastination is specific to your current task or job then dealing with it is relatively straightforward. Ask yourself what is it that stops you from just getting on with the task or job in hand. The reasons for this can be varied, allow me to give you a few examples…

• The task is too hard
• The task is too boring or easy
• You get no thanks for working hard
• You don’t feel motivated in your job
• There are too many distractions
• You hate your job

All the above issues can be addressed to some extent. For example if your task is too hard and you dread working on it, don’t be afraid to discuss it with your boss. They should be able to give you the help and encouragement you need. The same goes for many of the examples above, although perhaps not the last one. If you hate your job, don’t be afraid to see what is available on the job market and move on to something better.

If your procrastination is caused by a current situation, it is important to not let it stress you out. It’s easy to find yourself procrastinating and then feeling worried and stressed as a result. For example, you might be worrying about what the boss will say when he sees that you aren’t getting your work done on time. So long as you recognise what is going on and make an effort to rectify the problems causing your procrastination early on, then things should improve. The longer you leave it, the more stressed out you will become.

Now, if your procrastination is habitual then dealing with it is a bit more difficult.

Unlike procrastination caused by current problems, habitual procrastinators don’t get stressed by their lazy attitude to getting things done. If it causes a major problem they just shrug it off and move on. If you find yourself habitually procrastinating, then you need a lesson in self-control.

Such a lesson goes beyond the scope of a single blog post, but there are some strategies and tips I can recommend in order to help you get things done.

Firstly, get a diary! Plan everything you need to do, but spread it out over a period of time much longer than what you think you need. You need to include padding either side of your tasks to give you time to engage in some relaxation so that you can ease yourself out of your procrastinating habits.

Secondly, get yourself a designated nagger. There is no better way to make sure you get something done than by getting someone to nag you to do it. Preferably this will be someone who is not a procrastinator themselves. Ask a friend, colleague or partner to nag you when a task should be started, they may also be instructed to give your a good firm kick if you refuse. This strategy is surprisingly effective.

Thirdly, just start the task. For many procrastinators the hardest part is getting a task started. If you throw yourself in to a task head first, you might just find yourself following through and getting it finished.

I hope the above advice proves useful. I’ll be covering the topic of procrastination more in the coming weeks (if I get round to it!). If you have any tips of your own to add, please feel free to add a comment.

Cast your mind back to the early days on the World Wide Web. Back to the days when new, young entrepreneurs were setting up all sorts of websites and talking about a new media landscape. A landscape where big media conglomerates would no longer be in control. Instead anyone could set up a website and offer news, views and information to anyone who was willing to listen. The low cost, easy access technology of the web would democratise the media world.

Well, as we now know things didn’t quite work out like that.

For the first few years ‘traditional media’ was slow to get on to the web, while at the same time a slew of new media sites were being established most of which were slowly chipping away at the market share of the traditional media. Just look at how the circulation of just about every newspaper has decreased as web use has increased. People could now get news and information when they wanted it and more to the point, they could choose to receive it from a source that reflected their views or way of life.

The web also created whole new kinds of media, social networking is a good example of this. Social networking is a marketers dream. Just think about it, millions of people creating, exchanging and consuming information. Even if there is little money to be made directly from running a social media site, it could be used to promote other products and services and the information that could be gleamed from analysing users habits would be marketing gold.

The problem though is that far from being a cheap, demcratising form of media, the web was actually bloody expensive. In order to set up a sizable web presence, you had to borrow millions in venture capital. To all intents and purposes the web we now know was set up using nothing but borrowed money. Naturally, in the web gold rush some sites succeeded and some (well, loads actually) failed miserably. For the ones that succeeded, the venture capitalists wanted a return on their investment.

Come the new millennium and the old traditional media conglomerates had cottoned on to the fact that the web was here to stay and was only going to become more and more influential in peoples everyday lives. The old media companies had something the hip new web companies didn’t - money to spend. So they started buying up web properties left, right and centre. Let me list a few examples of popular websites that have been bought up by traditional media conglomerates…

MySpace, PhotoBucket - News Corporation
Bebo - owned by TimeWarner
iVillage - NBC Universal
iFilm, Atom Films - Viacom

It’s almost certain that many other well known, independent websites will eventually be swallowed up by similar conglomerates sooner or later.

Of course the web itself has created a few new conglomerates of its, eBay and Google immediately spring to mind. They may not be as bad as the old conglomerates in may peoples eyes, but if they buy up more and more websites then choice is reduced somewhat.

We all thought that the web would give us choice and new ideas, which it has to a certain extent. But the old media has been careful to make sure that no new internet upstarts take away any of their market share.

Come to think of it, were the old media companies slow to catch on to the web? Or did they know that the web was going to be a big and they were just waiting for the new web companies to mature so that they could buy up they choicest properties? I like to think so. After all media companies are usually the best as latching on to and profiting from new trends.

The web does offer a lot of choice, far more than we have ever had in the past. But the media conglomerates are pushing their way in and reducing choice as well as using their considerable marketing muscle to prevent new entrants from getting a foothold. So rather than the web being a liberating medium that would allow anyone to publish anything, so long as someone wanted to read it. What we actually have is more of the same, just in a different format.

That said, things are changing. It is now cheaper than ever to set up a big web presence, the technical costs are considerably lower than what they were a few years ago. And you no longer need a big markting budget, so long as you can get dcent word of mouth advertising through social networks and the like. So maybe we will see a web with a diverse range of independent sites all compting with the big media comapnies after all? I do hope so.

There are mountains of things written about weddings and marriage, but most of it has a pinkish hue and is written from the female perspective. I thought I would redress that imbalance by writing about my forthcoming wedding and discussing the hole marriage thing from the male perspective….

So there we are, myself and Jen, at Edinburgh Castle taking in the spectacular views of the city. Even allowing for the howling wind, Jen looks like the very epitome of calmness and serenity. I, on the other hand, was crapping myself.

You see, we had been going out for a few months and everything was going great. I had never been so happy. Jen was just perfect and I knew that she was ‘My One’.

We had actually met on an online dating site. She lived in Dublin and I lived in Derry. For several months we chatted online and we were getting on brilliantly. We both had similar interests, for example the 1930s and old-time music and that no doubt helped us get along even more.

After a few months I got the courage to ask her out for dinner, on Valentine’s day 2007 of all days! The date went brilliantly, even if I may have overdone it with the cheesy presents (stuffed dog, chocolates, roses etc). Afterwards I kept returning to Dublin to see Jen, the four hour journey never bothered me.

A few months passed and we went to Edinburgh for a weekend break. I had known for a few weeks that Jen was ‘my one’ and that I would propose to her, the question was should I do it now or wait a bit longer? Ah to hell with it I thought - I’d do it when we were in Edinburgh.

Marriage proposals are meant to be relaxed and very romantic. The reality is somewhat different, the man is most likely feeling that he is about to have a heart attack rather than feeling relaxed. All sorts of scary thoughts pass through his head - Will she say no? Will he look like a fool and make her laugh? I had tried to reduce the fear with some sneaky (or so I thought!) ground work….

I had asked Jen jokingly what she would say if I proposed. I thought that asking as a joke wouldn’t give away my plans, but to be honest it was blatantly obvious what I was up to. But I did learn that Jen would say yes, if I made an effort to ask properly.

So I took Jen on to a quiet rampart on the edges of the castle and got down on one knee and popped the question. After what seemed like an eternity to me, but in reality was less than maybe three seconds, she said YES!

And so began the planning, when things get really interesting and I’ll write about that in part 2.

Hi all,

Just to let you know that I have launched a new site just for ranting - Wannarant.com .

So if there is something you want to get off your chest come along and have a good old rant and let the world know.

You won’t regret it, I promise.

And we’re back…

In October 2005 my mother suffered a nasty stroke. It left her mostly paralysed down the right hand side of her body. It also badly affected her speech, to the degree that she cannot say even the most simplest of things.

It was hard for me to see my mother go from being a bright, active and independent woman to a shadow of her former self literally overnight.

She needed full time care and being an only child I did what I felt necessary. I quit my high flying management job with Network Rail to return home and look after the person I hold most dear. You might think that it was hard for me t do that, but it wasn’t. I’m sure most people in a similar situation would do the same.

I spent a long time being a full time carer until my mother’s situation improved to the point where I could return to work. Before I did return to work I was luck enough to meet my gorgeous wife to be, Jen. Meeting her allowed me to make a big U-turn in my career. I was educated as a software developer, but I somehow ended up working as a railway manager. Trains and computers? That makes me sound like some kind of ultra-geek. Anyways, meeting Jen allowed me to return to working in the field of software development when I moved to Dublin to be with her.

Upon moving to Dublin I made a big mistake - I took the first job tht was offered to me. To be fair I did see the warning signs, but my main concern was getting established in Dublin. So what if the company looked a bit dodgy and salary was low? I could move on once I had settled in to Dublin life.

Now it is always bad form to criticise your previous employers. Potential new employers really don’t like it. Unless you have won the lottery or perhaps a long lost rich uncle bequeaths you a fortune then it is always best to be nice about those who you have worked for in the past. That said, I still have to say I hated that company. The first month was great, but then it was all downhill. Software development can be stressful, but that is counteracted by the excitement and variety offered by working on the sort of stuff that geeks love. This company offered me nothing positive. I was demoralised by the lack of support, documentation, direction and a working computer! There came a point when I just had to leave. I had hoped to stay for a year, I lasted six months.

The day I handed in my resignation I felt great. It felt like a million pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that the overcast skies above me had cleared in an instant. I had no new job to go to and the economy was turning in the wrong direction, but I didn’t care. I felt that my health was suffering in that job and I’d rather be happy and healthy than in a job I hated – regardless of the salary.

Quitting that job was fortuitous, A month after I finished I was visiting my mother and she had a seizure. I witnessed the whole thing and I have to be honest in saying it completely freaked me out. I thought she was going to die in my arms. i was a gibbering wreck that night.

Now, as it turns out my mother had developed a type of epilepsy related to her original stroke. The seizure was serious, but not life threatening. Still, that was no comfort to me as she would have fallen had I not been present.

My mother’s second turn for the worse allowed me to take a few months out from my job hunt to look after her and make modifications to her home. Things are now looking up as he has home helps checking up on her several times a day and I can rest easy down in Dublin.

My mother’s second turn has had a negative impact on my job hunting. When I explain the extended break in my career is down to a family emergency, a lot of employers ask me if I can be sure it won’t happen again. Obviously, they don’t understand that for some people family comes first. To be truthful I don’t think I will have any further problems, the NHS is looking after my mother and I can relax safe in that knowledge. But my decision to take time away from my job hunting in order to help her has caused me problems.

This post is all about not harbouring regrets. During the last few years I have made some mistakes and bad decisions, but I don’t care. For example, when my mother had her first stroke Network Rail offered to let me take a few months off, but I resigned instead. When I moved to Dublin I took a job I didn’t like, against my better judgement. Still I don’t care.

I look to the future, not the past. I don’t look upon my mistakes as things to regret, instead I see them as learning experiences. For example I will think twice before accepting a job offer in he future. And as for taking time off to help my mother., if a potential employer doesn’t like that I did that, then maybe that is the sort of company I really don’t want to work for.

Don’t see you mistakes as regrets, see them as lessons and you will have a much more positive outlook on life.

After an enforced break of a few months I’m back posting.

As you may notice the blog is full of broken links and other things that don’t work right. That is due to some housekeeping that went a bit wrong. So I’ll be getting those fixed ASAP.

So back to blogging.

Apologies for the absense of new posts lately. Due to a family emergency I’ve been pre-occupied elsewhere.

Normal service will resume shortly.